Tag: mindset

Gordon (00:59):
Awesome. Well, hello folks, and welcome again to the kindness and compassion podcast, and I'm happy for you to get to know today. Uh, Wendy Silco and Wendy. Thanks for being here.
Wendy (01:15):
I am so happy to be on the podcast with you. I mean, kindness and compassion podcast. It has such a great message.
Gordon (01:22):
Oh, well, thanks. Thanks. And, um, as I was getting to know Wendy before, um, we started recording, I think you're gonna really enjoy kind of hearing her thoughts and just really how, how she's landed on this whole topic. But Wendy, as I start with everyone, why don't you tell folks a little bit about who you are and how you've landed, where you've landed?
Wendy (01:45):
Gosh, how I've landed, isn't it a journey, right?
Gordon (01:48):
right.
Wendy (01:49):
So, um, so as I mentioned, I am a, um, mindset coach. Um, I work with all types from athletes to entrepreneurs, to moms that have left the working world. Um, CEOs, I just, I really am passionate about, um, helping people find their uniqueness and making, taking that uniqueness, taking any influencers that help them to explore who they are so they can make their impact in the world and for future generations. And really how I got here is I was really lost in my, um, I was a super athlete, but I was very shy and I played division one lacrosse, but once sports was done, I was lost in my twenties and I didn't really have direction. I did what I was supposed to do. Um, you know, it looked good on paper. I had my master's, I was teaching in Harlem, but, um, something inside of me I knew was missing and through the journey of taking up golf at the age of 29 to become a professional and going that route of where I had to explore myself through a sport, um, I really discovered more about myself than ever before. Mm-hmm um, so, and then I also had a child at the age of 40 on my own through IVF. So both those it's really no different mindset. It's really similar mindsets to go after the thing you want. Um, and that's what I, I really first teach people who they are and then what they want and how to get after it.
Gordon (03:28):
Right, right. Yeah. So what, um, what you, you had mentioned that you really kinda grew up with maybe a different mindset. And so what were some of the things that happened for you that caused you to kinda begin to change your mindset or begin to look at at life a little differently?
Wendy (03:51):
Yeah. I mean, I, first of all, I grew up in New York. I'm one of six in a big Italian family. I'm in smack in the middle mm-hmm . And I just, I mean, I knew at the age of 10, I, I had athletic ability that could go somewhere. And I remember telling my mom, like, I wanna be, you know, a, a tennis. I wanted to be a tennis pro. I remember Chris Everett and I, and, and all my mom was, I think we explored it for a year, one less than a week with a really good tennis pro. But I think my mom was her plate was full with six kids. And then I just, I didn't really have a dream, like, because as a woman after college sports, you kind of lose that. Um, so I did, and I also wasn't great in academics.
Wendy (04:38):
So I really struggled in, in school. Um, so I was just in survival mode in school. I really didn't have a, like any passion. And so my twenties, I just, I, I was trying to put a finger on where to go and I didn't have any guidance. I didn't have anybody who believed in me or asked me questions to make me explore that. And it was after my master's, I think this is what you're asking. Like, where did it shift? It was like, there was something deep inside of me that I knew was missing. And I knew I had to explore it, even though I didn't have the answers. I had no clue what it was, but there I was in Harlem with my masters, had a great job, but I remember my head going is this is, is this as good as it's gonna get?
Wendy (05:23):
And there's nothing wrong with being a teacher. It's just in my soul. I didn't feel alive. Mm-hmm . And, um, it was an opportunity basically what happened was on a spring break. Um, my dad and mom played golf and I was, my dad asked me to play golf. And one day that when we went to play, I was hitting balls. And I remember this guy looking at my dad and being like, God, she's, I was 28. Oh, she's good, Joe. She can hit it better than you. And again, the same day we were on the course. And, um, another guy was like, Joe, she's got talent. And I think my dad underneath that night was like, you know, maybe you should try this game because he knew I was teaching in Harlem mm-hmm and something clicked inside of me was like, is this my second chance?
Wendy (06:09):
Like, is this my opportunity? I had no idea how to get there. Like, I, I didn't, I, when I think back of making that decision, I'm like, what? But sometimes we have to listen to our instinct that that's speaking to us, even though we have no clue, or it seems crazy mm-hmm and walk towards that. And I think that's where my mindset, I started to wake up and be a little more courageous to take risk, to take, um, to take steps that I never maybe knew the answers, but something was pulling me in that direction. And that is really when you say kindness and compassion, like it, could you take it all different ways, but to me, it's like allowing someone to take that risk, even though it seems bizarre. And having the compassion to support that human, even though it doesn't make sense, right.
Wendy (07:01):
Because you could fail. Like I never made it to the LPGA after seven years, but the lessons I've learned about myself has given me confidence, courage. Um, it's, I've met amazing people on the road. So, you know, when you, I, I mean, just your listeners, whether it's you that have this instinct, that's coming up for you listening to this, or you hear someone else, um, say something that seems bizarre, like why would they wanna go be an artist that's such a hard road mm-hmm , um, maybe actually find more compassion and get more curious about that person that's yearning to do something that's outside the box of the norm.
Gordon (07:42):
Right. Right. Well, I think there's a, you know, that several things, as you were saying, all of that Wendy kind of came up for me is that I think a lot of times we kind get kind of blinders and we kind of get locked in just to certain way of, of seeing things. And sometimes it takes the kindness of others to point out things that we might be missing along the way mm-hmm . And so I think being able to take that, uh, that courageous step of just kind of putting yourself out there and then treating not only others with kindness and compassion, but treating yourself with kindness and compassion around those things. Because I think, um, so many times people get kind of into, uh, this kind of way of thinking, or, you know, I know as you mentioned doing the mindset work, I think that is, that is key to making changes in our life, um, is really a shift in her mindset
Wendy (08:46):
A hundred percent. And I, I, first of all, you're when it resonates with me because we all can get so we can be, so sometimes we're so kind to everybody and we forget to be kind to ourselves. Mm-hmm , especially when we're taking a harder road or when we're standing for something we believe in, you know, mm-hmm, inside, it looks like we're okay, but inside we can beat ourselves up. And so really taking a little, like pause and say, how can I be a little kinder and believe that whatever you're believing in or trying to go after that, it's O you're, you're, you're doing the best you can mm-hmm and, and you're, and even if you make a mistake, like, I, I, I make mistakes all the time. Whether I say something poorly or, you know, like it's okay, we all, we are human mm-hmm and we're just trying to do our best.
Wendy (09:36):
Everybody's trying to do their best. I really believe that from my heart. Right. Um, but I will say like the, the, the one thing about mindset is we're not taught that we're trained to teach like craft in schools and we're trained to teach, to train our body, whether it's fueling our body or working out or staying in shape, but we're never trained our mindset. I mean, very, we're just crossing the edge of this, of getting more mindful and learning about how we think, but learning mindset is all about how we think and how does it align with who we are. Right. Um, so, you know, I, I think this is a, it's, it's a really important skill to have, and everyone needs to find someone to help them explore. Cuz sometimes we, we don't realize what we're even thinking. Mm-hmm , you know, our thoughts are so coming in every direction and until we do the hard work and give it space to unwind the thinking, can we actually make sense of it?
Gordon (10:42):
Right, right. Yeah. So somebody that's listening to this is thinking, uh, hopefully it's cutting their, their wheels turning, as I like to say, uh, uh, of thinking about how they think about things, where in your work with people, where do you start with them to get them to kind of maybe,
Wendy (11:00):
Yeah. Look at that, uh, such important thing. Uh, cuz I think in mindset we can get caught up with like, okay, how do you build confidence? How do you build this? How do you build this? Um, I believe you have to start with the individual and who they are, their essence. So I, I really go into going back into your stories. What made you strong? What made you stand for something? Because something makes you do certain things or say certain things and really revisiting stories of success and failure. Um, so you can learn, I go into also getting people to go. Why do you gravitate to that person? What, who influences you? What, what makes you want draw to that person? What is in their character? How do they walk? How do they talk? So getting a little clearer of like why you get attracted to certain people and also the strengths that have made you, who you are today.
Wendy (11:58):
Mm-hmm um, and then getting really clear on their own personal life philosophy. Right? So it gets you a lot. Like it gets you really clear for instance, it's taken me a long time to get to mine, but it, it it's always evolving. We're evolving. Um, but mine is disrupt your norm and instigate your soul for me mm-hmm so I become my best self so I can inspire others to do the same mm-hmm so, but when I say it, I feel it. And I know when I do something today or tomorrow and I'm off that. Okay, well, how do I, and then I gotta reassess like me, I'm not really testing myself here or I kind of just went with the flow here or I said yes to a party that I really don't wanna go to. You know? So when you get clear on your personal philosophy, you start to realize the thoughts that don't align with who you wanna be. Mm-hmm you start to realize the actions that don't align with who you wanna be. So I think that's a, the foundation of my, uh, work that I do, cuz it always goes back to your essence of who you are, your your
Gordon (13:02):
Right. Yeah. And that's a, the, the, the whole importance of getting, knowing yourself well is, is really in my mind that kind of the key to mindfulness and my being able to change your mindset of really, you know, like you said, getting at the essence of who you are and you know, why you think about the world, the way that you think about it.
Wendy (13:26):
Yeah. Yeah. And, and especially like, you know, I went after being a athlete for seven years, busting my tail, missing things sacrificing. But like when I know who I am and if I fail, I'm still okay with it. Like I think there's so many people, whether it's a job or a marriage and then when something doesn't go the way you expected and you don't know who you are, you can crumble fast mm-hmm mm-hmm . So the work of mindset is really about allowing you in life to go through the ebb and flows of the ups and downs with embracing who you are. So we're, it's not to say struggle doesn't happen. It's just how you handle those moments is more clarity to align with who you are.
Gordon (14:10):
Yeah, yeah. I, to, I totally agree. You know, the other, other thing that I thought about as you were, as you were talking was, um, just the, you know, most of us don't I think sometimes go about the task of changing something kind of kicking and screaming. We get, we get locked into a comfort zone that we will, we will clinging onto, but yet at the same time, we it's a, it's a crazy phenomenon is that people will be miserable in their comfort zone and not really want to get out of it. And so, you know, always, always tell folks that, you know, my work as a therapist, always tell folks, you know, you know, if you want your life to change, you have to change something. And so being able to have the courage to make changes, um, is, is, is really kind of the key to, to it all to some degree,
Wendy (15:12):
A hundred percent. And it's, it gives you power. Mm-hmm even if, if you change something and it's not the right direction. I mean, I think most people get paralyzed because they don't know where to go. They feel this thing. They're not sure of how to get out of it. So they just stay because it's scary to make whether you're in a marriage or a job. Like the, the, the, I, when I ask someone that's miserable in a job, why aren't you like looking to explore mm-hmm what other options and the, their head, they can't even fathom another option. Like they, they can't go there. And, and that's the fear like of the unknown mm-hmm, , that's really what it is. It's the fear of the unknown. And I, and I say to my clients, when they get in that state of fear is, is it, I'm not asking you to change it right now.
Wendy (16:04):
Like, just go explore. That's why I say it's to get your soul, to disrupt your norm. Doesn't mean disrupt it, like, like a tomorrow I'm gonna quit everything and start, you know, like it take those things, little steps and inside you'll know what the direction, the right direction mm-hmm is if you take a little step, right. If you make a little change yeah. If you explore. Yeah. And I I'm big into exploring because then it's less like the ch like a big change is too big for someone who's never done got outside their comfort zone. Mm-hmm . But if you just take a little step and even go call, make a one phone call, or, you know, take a step and do something different with somebody else, or, you know, like, I don't know anybody's scenario, but I just really believe in the word exploration. Yes. Because that's what gives the answers they're looking for that they don't know yet.
Gordon (16:58):
Yeah. Yeah. And I would add to that curiosity as well. Yep. Yes. Yes. Getting curious about things and really, uh, I love the word explore as well. Just really kinda looking at those, those things. You know, the other thing that you mentioned, uh, Wendy, um, is just with change, you know, none of us grows unless we get outside our comfort zone. And I I'm, uh, you know, one, one metaphor that I like is if it, for those of us that can maybe remember when we first learned to ride a bicycle, um, how scary that felt. Uh, but you, in order to learn to ride a bicycle, you had to get outside your comfort zone. You had to kinda, kinda push yourself through the uneasiness of, uh, feeling like you're gonna fall. And that the truth of the matter is, is once you kind of get it, you figure out, oh, the faster I go, the easier it is to control this thing. Yeah. And so, yeah,
Wendy (18:00):
I mean, it's funny, uh, that you mentioned this, I think learning from kids is so important to just like, look back, watch them mm-hmm , some of them will freeze, but if you watch, most of we were just at, um, a pool lap pool, and there were kids that are pretty good divers there. And my daughter yesterday was watching, one of the divers were on top and she was, she was freezing. She was trying to do something new, but she kept, and everybody waited and she kept wiping off the water on her legs with her little towel. And then she'd go back to the edge of the, the diving board, then go back again and back again. But she finally did it. And then I, I said to my daughter, like the next time she does that, she now will do it at a different pace.
Wendy (18:43):
So we all, like, we all go into that scary moment. I'm not a fan of going on, live on, you know, videos, but I know the more I do it, the more I learn. Right. Um, you know, so it's just it's as adults. We, I feel like we weren't trained to learn to teach that muscle mm-hmm and, and when you, if you can help the young ones realize, like what they're doing, mm-hmm I always tell my daughter going on stage now, she was freezing to go on stage at five and now she's done it again and again, and now it's like, this is like normal to her and she loves it. Yeah. So I think, especially to me, what you're saying is like, if something's pulling at you to do it and you have a, either a passion or you're curious, you have to get uncomfortable. Mm-hmm you have to take that step
Gordon (19:33):
That's right. So it is the only way that we only way that we grow the, the other, the other thing too, is, is that, um, to kind of connected to this is, is vulnerability. Um, mm-hmm and I'm reminded of Brene Brown's, uh, talk, if, if anybody has not seen it, I would recommend it. I think it's still available on Netflix, but Brene Brown's talk on the call to courage and just talking about how we can, the, the only, only way that anybody can demonstrate courage is that they have to be vulnerable first. Yeah. And so it takes, it takes both kinda working together in order to, to cause us to grow and to, to get ahead.
Wendy (20:18):
Yeah. And I also, I also think, I believe that we, as, as leaders, the more vulnerable I am, then it opens up my clients to, if I share something mm-hmm , mm-hmm , you know, it, it allows them to go, oh, wow. She experienced something that's or like, she can handle this moment of, of embarrassment or, or failure or whatever. Hey, I happen to go through something similar. It opens a can of worms, the more we share our vulnerability, um, and our experiences, it allows for growth in that aspect. Um, as you know, right. Um, but, uh, I, I think that's the one thing I love about group coaching, actually. Like I have a group I've had for four over four years, and they're mostly moms that were entrepreneurs, but that's the one thing they say is like, it's first of all, number one, they're they have space every day that they can come, not every week that they can come to us and we're vulnerable, like, right. You know, we're raw, you know, cuz we don't have time to express every motion that we have during the weeks. But if you can create space to have the moment to be vulnerable and let and let unfold what you couldn't do during the week in front of like all the todo lists and, and functioning survival mode, right. Then you have this space to just like, let go, you know, it's so important.
Gordon (21:45):
Yeah. And that's a, and, and too, as people have maybe heard in previous episodes of this podcast to, to me, the sign of a healthy relationship with anyone is their ability to be vulnerable with each other. And that be a safe space in doing that because when two people can be vulnerable with each other, that's what builds connection. And that's what brings us together.
Wendy (22:13):
Yeah. I mean, and it goes from your work as your clients and mm-hmm and me as a coach or, or even like, I see a lot of, um, leaders in the sports arena that it's like, I'm gonna dictate and there's no trust, especially with these young kids, there's so much pressure mm-hmm . So if we could just, you know, if you're a coach or a teacher, like if you let those kids feel your vulnerability and that you share something, there's, there's a rapport that you, that will magically happen and create whether it's in work or whatever, as a leader, um, that's necessary for growth. Right. You know, safe space, the safe space. It's so true.
Gordon (22:57):
Yeah. That's absolutely true. And, and that brings us full circle around to kindness and compassion. I think in that when we can create a safe space for other people, that's what is going to heal the world really in the long run is to be not. Yeah,
Wendy (23:14):
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I, I agree. And, and a safe space to, for everyone to have their, I just listened to a thing from Kobe Bryant last night. Mm-hmm and it was, we all have our box. Like everybody has their own unique way of being, can they all be in a safe space to be that where we give compassion kindness. So how you operate is different than I operate. And it doesn't, it doesn't mean we can't have the compassion and kindness to support that. Right. Um, right. So I, I really believe in your work and I thank you for having me on here.
Gordon (23:51):
Oh, awesome. I love it. Awesome. Well, Wendy, and I know what, uh, we could probably spend a whole day talking about this stuff, but I wanna be respectful of your time. Tell folks that want to learn more from you and maybe some of the coaching that you do. How can, how can they get in touch with you?
Wendy (24:10):
Right. Um, well, um, my, my business is called live your June. Um, I didn't really give you the backstory mm-hmm , there's a reason. Um, mm-hmm and, uh, it's really about living your uniqueness, your independent, uh, the essence of who you're meant to be, to make your imprint for future generations. Mm-hmm cause I believe we all leave our mark and it's ha it's our responsibility to live into that. Mm-hmm um, and so it's live your june.com. Uh, Wendy live your June. You can email me if you have any questions or you're curious, or you wanna share something like I am, I'm all open. Um, I also am on Instagram, live your June. Um, and I think I'm on LinkedIn as well. Um, okay. And uh, yeah, we're building, I'm almost done with my first online product, but like, I, I wanna actually hold the space. Well, someone does my work, so, um, but it's really come out really good. And I think it allows people to explore that whole thing that we're talking about their ethos and the essence of who they are. Um, so it gives them a tool. So some of it's it's worth looking into, if you have any questions, definitely reach out.
Gordon (25:26):
Awesome. Awesome. And we'll have links here in the show notes and the show summaries, so people can find it easily. So well, Wendy, it was so good to have you on the podcast and hopefully we'll have some future conversations.
Wendy (25:39):
I would love it. Thank you so much for having me.